On our value and why we don't need to add to it

As it goes in life, there’s often themes that pop up that seem to speak to us in the season of life we find ourselves in. This often happens In my clinical work with clients and also in my personal life and sometimes the two blend together. A few days ago I had a supervision session, where I get supervised for being a supervisor (confusing right?!). It was scheduled on a non work day and I had my clingy teething infant with me that I had to scramble around to get care for while I sat in my spare room and attended this supervision. But by the end of it I was so glad I had made the effort to attend as it spoke to me about a theme that has been swirling around lately - value. I was discussing my dilemma of supervising clinicians that are more experienced in some areas of practice than I am. The supervisor asked me - what do you notice yourself doing when this happens? The answer: I quickly rush to add value, to show I have something to offer here. To feel more adequate, more worthy of the title of supervisor. As we delved into this I came to realise this presents itself in so many areas of life. Chatting with a friend who is sharing their burdens, and in my head thinking what can I bring to this conversation? Hearing about my husbands day and wanting to jump to well I would have done xx

Often, we equate value with doing—offering advice, solutions, or contributions that demonstrate our worth. Yet isn’t our value found in being—simply holding space, listening with presence, or bringing an open heart. And isn’t this what we truly desire? What would it feel like for us to trust that who we are—without scrambling, fixing, or adding is enough?

What I’ve observed, is that women find this particularly hard, as the pull to prove, fix, and do is deeply rooted in societal expectations and years of cultural conditioning. Women are often socialised to prioritise care for others, solve problems, and keep things running smoothly. This conditioning can create an unconscious association between doing and being valuable.

For many women, self-worth becomes tied to productivity, achievement, or the ability to meet others' needs. This belief creates a cycle: the more we do, the more we hope to feel worthy. But this external validation rarely satisfies the deeper desire for self-acceptance. The antidote to this pull lies in learning to separate worthiness from performance. When women begin to shift from proving to embracing their worth, they create space for deeper connection, authentic living, and a more sustainable sense of self.

What I noticed in supervision that day was a powerful shift: becoming aware of when and why I feel the need to rush in, and choosing to sit with the discomfort of not immediately doing so. It’s a practice of embracing worthiness, not as something earned, but as something inherent. The questions that I ask myself change from ‘is this enough? how do I come across? do I have what’s required? to ‘How can I approach this with curiosity and openness?" "How can I create space for growth, connection, or trust (within myself and others)?"

I’m so curious, what are ways you feel conditioned to add value? And, what would it feel like to sit with these new questions, even in moments of uncertainty?